Give It Up: Fred Durst

This man's CDs are filed with your Baja Men, Macarena, and Billy Ray Cyrus albums"

Is there a human being that exemplified a period we'd all wish to forget more than Fred Durst? Of all the terrible fads in human history, none had such a singular, douche-hatted figurehead. Pet rocks? Disco? Pogs? There was no singular person to blame, and then punch, in those cases. But that awful white rap/metal fad of the late '90s? Most people blame it all on this guy. Especially the crusty viking that you're about to see.



I had a friend from work who went to see Limp Bizkit at some sort of fest in the Chicago area. Most people were there to see Metallica, and not big fans of backward red Yankee hats. Yes, that's right, they were booing one band in favor of "St. Anger" Metallica. So after a couple of songs, Durst apparently decided he needed to bring out the gimmick. So a roadie brought him his 12-gauge, loaded with blanks. Freddy Dumbass fired a blank into the air, then said something like "Yeah, that's how we do it in Tinley Park!" and went into the next song. Shockingly, after this 7th grade display of "rock," the booing failed to stop. In fact, they started throwing shit. When a man will pay $8.50 for a beer to throw at you, it's time to give up. So Durst flipped off the crowd and ran off the stage, possibly with his arms limply flapping with the sobbing motions of his stage fleeing, like some sort of tattooed sissy boy. Is there anyone alive who will admit to liking this band?

Who knew Carson Daly's crotch had a nanny cam?

I will give the man one thing. Music stores used to sell patches and stickers that said "Limp Bizkit sucks." I learned from a friend who worked at one of these stores that the merchandise in question was copyrighted and produced by Mr. Durst himself. Suffice to say, he made a fucking fortune.

Yet that awful, awful band started work in August on a new album. It's like inventing the sequel to herpes: no one wants it, and it's going to cause rashes. So Man B Que implores Fred Durst: Give it up.

- J.B. Mays